Where am I right now? Well, I'm lying in my mom and dad's bed at 4:16 PM on a Saturday, nursing a cold and typing this blog. I know, that is exactly what I thought - how in the world did you end up here?
Well, I'm not sure exactly when it was that I swayed off on this life path, but I have a clear recollection of my grandmother taking my hand as a child, turning my palm upwards and following the lines with her finger. "Oh my" she said looking troubled and shaking her head. Being a five year old, I was obviously scared to death about what she had discovered. "You see here" she said as she pointed to a clear fork in what I imagine is my lifeline, "One day, my dear, you are going to have to make a very serious decision. If you choose correctly, you will live a long and prosperous life, but if you choose this path, you won't live very long at all." I remember that as though it were yesterday, actually it was nearly twenty years ago, but none the less, it still scares me to death (excuse the pun).
I suppose it all started when I decided to leave every thing I had ever known for a college degree in Florida, USA. Before college, my life had been somewhat protected, growing up in Cape Town, South Africa. I had lived through one of my country's most monumental moments, the release of Nelson Mandela and his succession to power. I had watched my country grow and gleam and become a place I was proud to call home. But, I had a dream to follow... I was going to be a journalist. Somewhat influenced by a childhood hero - April O'Neil of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, seasoned with a flair for writing and a humanitarian desire to tell the stories that the rest of the world didn't hear.
So, I packed up my life, said good bye to my childhood sweetheart and found myself in front of a camera in my college news studio in Boca Raton, FL. I had always been a rather shy individual, I never really stood out too much, other than the fact that my blonde hair was almost a golden white and I answered to the nickname 'Casper' on occasion. I had always circled within the realm of the 'in' crowd, but at the end of the day, I had my own opinions and beliefs and was more of an individual than a group person. But, when I got to college, I suppose I grew into my own and before I knew it, I was succeeding at things I never thought I could. Camerawork had never been a strong point of mine, but somehow I found it more like acting than reality. I could be who ever I wanted to be in front of the camera, and it gave me a world of opportunities.
So, my college years flew by. The childhood sweetheart, Thomas, had moved to the States to join me and I was suddenly not only a graduate student, but also well established in a very serious relationship. Who would have thought it would have ended like this? I suppose when you are working over 25 hours a week as a graduate assistant to cover tuition, studying from 6 - 10PM most nights, writing a thesis, and coming home to clean the house, make dinner and fulfill a female role in the household, something is bound to break. And it all came tumbling down around year 6 of our relationship. I guess this is one of the decisions I am talking about.
I'm not going to lie, it hadn't been peachy for a while, but perhaps I was acting irrationally. I'm not going to go into details, because at the end of the day, it takes two to tango... and there was no dancing happening in this relationship. And like that, a 6 year commitment came to and end. I guess that is the point in which things changed most drastically. Everyone thought we would get married. There was a clear path laid down before us, and easy lifestyle, a comfortable future. But, being my first love, I took love for granted. I was young, needed to experience life, be spontaneous, travel the globe, follow my career, have some crazy parties, dance until my feet hurt, jump off a waterfall, take a random road trip to no where, blow my week's savings on a music concert, wake up on the beach and watch the sunrise. He wasn't my partner in those activities and for that I had one BIG decision to make. And I made it. Do I look back and wonder 'what if...'? Sure I do, don't we all? Do I have regrets? Yes and no. Yes, when I am lying sick in bed and he is still the person I crave to bring me my favorite tea done just the way he knows I like it. No, when I occasionally see him and I realize that I would have missed out on all the things I have experienced since making that decision. I suppose, in a perfect world we would have met around about now.
So I guess this is Decision # 1 and the fork that lead me to....
Location TBA
Washington, DC.
